Boys don’t cry but Gentlemen do

I’ve been reflecting on some changes in how we view gender roles today. As society progresses, there’s one question that keeps coming to mind: What has happened to genuine masculinity? It’s a delicate topic in today’s world, but I believe it’s important to explore and not diminish the progress we’ve made, but to remember the qualities that once made men admirable.

We’ve seen wonderful movements that have empowered women, allowing them to grow into strong, resilient individuals. But what about men? I’m not referring to their physical appearance, but the vitality, charm, charisma, and integrity that once defined them. Where are the men who protected their loved ones, honoured their commitments, and stood strong? And as I look back at the stories and poems written by great men. I saw the sincerity and depth with which they expressed themselves. I again, kept wondering, “Where have the poets and writers gone, who embraced vulnerability and expressed their deepest emotions with grace and dignity?”

It feels like we’re moving away from these qualities that made men not just partners, but protectors, leaders, and soulful beings. I find myself longing for a return to masculinity that embodies both strength and sensitivity, honour and heart.

In recent times, I’ve noticed many comments and posts suggesting that men shouldn’t show their gentle side or, worse, that men lack a gentle side altogether. It’s disheartening to see that when men do show vulnerability, they’re often criticized. But I believe men should feel free to be themselves, to embrace their nurturing side, and to feel vulnerable at times. To me, that’s what true masculinity is all about.

Unfortunately, our culture has shaped us to think otherwise. Across the world, stigmas have been ingrained in us since childhood. Girls are often seen as weak, quick to cry, and delicate, while boys are taught that they shouldn’t cry, must be tough, and hide their emotions. This rigid approach stifles both genders and limits their full potential.

Another huge problem in our culture is intimacy, which is often seen as taboo. Expressing love for your partner is sometimes ridiculed. So, why do many men mock their partners in public? Around their friend circle? I wonder about this too.

Discussing topics like periods or pregnancy is also considered off-limits, and I see that we aren’t taught enough about these matters in school. We were never taught that love is one of life’s greatest experiences; instead, it’s often seen as something dirty. When discussing the feminine side, I don’t understand why many people oppose it. “Don’t bring Western ideologies here,” they say. But does being an empathetic, caring human being equate to a Western ideology?

Recently, I watched a movie from the 2010s and couldn’t help but notice how men and women were portrayed. The female character was weak, unable to do anything for herself, almost like an artefact in the story. She had no strong personality and barely any personality at all. Meanwhile, the male character was the typical aggressive guy — strong, emotionless, and displaying behaviours like hitting the girl and smoking because that’s what was considered “cool.”

This isn’t an isolated case; it’s a pattern, especially in films from the 2000s to the 2010s. Unfortunately, these types of characters are still being written today. Yes, there are many well-written, complex characters out there, but they rarely get the attention they deserve.

Now, there seems to be a gender war brewing on the internet. Surveys have shown that many Gen Z men are leaning towards a more conventional mindset. But not the positive, conservative side; rather, the regressive, outdated side. It starts with “hit the gym” (which is healthy) and then shifts to “therapy is pointless” and “boys don’t cry.” We all know that repressing emotions doesn’t make us strong; confronting them does. It’s challenging, but facing our emotions is far better than bottling them up and distracting ourselves. And often, there’s no space for women’s opinions. I noticed some men who don’t respect women’s rights and belittle them, always ask for trad wives. A piece of advice, “If you are looking for a trad wife, then you should act like a gentle man.” There we go. Now I’m labelled as “woke” and a “feminist” (they think it’s a bad word of something). All while claiming that their mothers were the last generation of innocent women, conveniently forgetting that they were among the most oppressed, silenced, and denied their rights.

I think it’s time we start celebrating men who are in touch with their emotions, who aren’t afraid to be gentle, and who understand that true strength comes from vulnerability. Imagine a world where men and women are both celebrated for their depth, their humanity, and their ability to connect with others. It’s time we challenge outdated stereotypes and start giving visibility to characters both men and women who are real, nuanced, and human.

As we move forward, let’s remember that true masculinity isn’t about denying emotions or clinging to outdated norms. It’s about embracing strength and sensitivity, standing with integrity, and caring for others. Let’s embrace a masculinity that is real, human, and whole. A masculinity that honours both men and women as equals, each with unique strengths. By challenging old stereotypes and promoting these values, we can create a world where everyone, regardless of gender, can be their true selves.